Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Second guessing is second nature

Second guessing is second nature

When you are visually impaired, at least in my experience, you second-guess yourself a lot. 
If I see somebody I think I know, I have to get a better look. If I see something on the floor, it might be a bug but just as well could be a toy.  Something down the street could be a trashcan or a person for all I know! No offense to anybody!

There have been many times that I have made mistakes which lead me to second-guess myself in future situations.

I have waved or said hello to somebody who I thought I knew but was a stranger.

I have bought curtains online with cheetah print rather than flowers.

I've put sugar on my pasta instead of Parmesan cheese.

I've gotten on the wrong train because I read the sign wrong.

I could give a million examples. 

Situations that people get ultra embarrassed about happen to me on a frequent basis!

I am so used to my eyes not seeing things well that I basically never trust that what I think I am seeing is actually there. 

This may sound like complete  BS but I really think it is true.  I think my habit of second-guessing what I see has also caused me to second guess things that I do and decisions that I make.

But I know that we all second-guess ourselves.

I was just watching a video where somebody was talking about ways to improve your confidence level. Her first tip was to shut the voice up in your head that second guesses. That voice that says no you're not good enough, you can't do this. 
This is something I am working on.
And I encourage you all to do the same.
When the voice tells you you can't do something, don't listen. Turn it around to say something positive. 
That is where I stopped writing  yesterday.  
Then last night I was watching America's Got Talent. I haven't watched it all season and last night was the finale. I only watched a few acts.  One was Jon Dorenboss, a magician. He did a pretty amazing repertoire of tricks, while giving an inspirational speech. One thing he said that really stood out to me and relates to this blog post was

"When you are down, don't listen to yourself, talk to yourself"

Basically as the example I mentioned earlier stated, shut the voice up in your head and turn it positive. Why is that voice always negative in our hand? Why do we always second-guess ourselves and think the worst? I don't know the answer to that but it seems like it's just our natural instinct and we have been trained to think that way. 

So how do we turn that voice from negative to positive? 

Well, one thing that I have done over the past year and a half and is a vital behavior for coaches is personal development. When I first heard about this, the first thing that came to mind was Chicken Soup for the Soul. Honestly I have never given much thought to those self-help books. I have not ventured into that section of bookstores on too many occasions. But because it is a vinyl behavior of coaches and so many coaches swear by personal development, I decided I better give it a chance. What is there to lose? So I have given it a try. I have read books, I listen to books, I listen to podcasts. I watch motivational speakers on YouTube. And you know what? It really friggin helps! Give it a try!  Check out the book "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero and "The Slight Edge" by Jeff Olson. Check out Podcasts by Shaun T  (Trust and Believe)
and Chalene Johnson (The Chalene Show.) or School of Greatness by Lewis Howes. 
There is so much out there and it can benefit everybody.

I was just talking about this with my mother the other day. 
I feel like we grow up with the goal of graduating from high school, then college, then getting a great job. We get to that goal and then what? We really are not taught how to deal in real life. 
So when things start going wrong for us we aren't quite equipped to deal with it. 
When we start getting rejections after job interviews, we aren't treated the way we would like to by coworkers or employers, we have problems with landlords or neighbors, we lose loved ones, tragedy strikes, etc. 

This is kind of silly but hey I am on mom of two young kids. I relate it to climbing up a beanstalk. So we are climbing up and up trying to reach our goals. Then a giant stick his foot down and pushes us down. We go down a few feet and then start climbing again but maybe a bit slower and more cautious this time. This happens repeatedly. That's what happens in life. We will be going strong for a while, then we get knocked down a few pegs by life. If we are not doing anything to counteract the negative, we sink deeper and get stuck in a rut. That is where personal development comes in. It has helped me tremendously by giving me the tools to deal when things go wrong. I have noticed that instead of dwelling on the problem, I am more able to get to the task of fixing it. I have also noticed it in relationships. A couple of months ago, somebody lashed  out at me on Facebook for they completely irrational reasons. I did not let this get me down. In the past I would have dwelled on it for days. Not now. I was able to put it behind me and move forward. When people act irrational, you really can't interact with them so I let it go. Just like Elsa in frozen! Ha ha! Yes I have two girls. I am actually singing that song right now in my head.

Oddly enough, the day after I was talking to my mom about how we need to teach life skills and promote personal development to kids, an article came out stating that my towns high school is going to start a program teaching life skills. I think this is awesome and I hope the program is received well by the students! And I hope they incorporate personal development.

OK, I think that's all for the moment. I urge you to give personal development a try. This is coming from a former skeptic. And feel free to share any personal development books, podcasts, videos that you would recommend. I would love to hear from you!

1 comment:

Mary Jane's Playcare said...

Wow, Heather, I love this blog. You are so right about trying to get rid of the negativity in your life. I know you've been trying to help me do the same. I am now more aware of putting myself down because you call me on it. That's a good thing.
I think maybe, even at this old age, I will read some of these books. I did start" You're a Badass" and it was funny and great. Life must have gotten in my way.
It is difficult enough to be sighted and not second guess yourself. But, having low vision , I imagine would really throw you into a tail spin.
You do great, by the way. And, I have noticed that things that used to bother you, bother you less and less. Keep listening to those books. Keep being you, cause you are awesome!
Love, Ma